I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
