we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
