apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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