so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
