His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
