dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
