oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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