i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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