...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
im holly from the hills drunk
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
