why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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