I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
