I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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