we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
