Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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