You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
