my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
two words...techno handjob
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
