i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
