Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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