What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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