I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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