everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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