Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
