yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
