dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
