I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
