chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
