I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
