I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
