Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
