I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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