What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
