People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
