its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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