Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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