he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
