put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
