awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
