This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
