I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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