saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
