you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You smell like stripper and shame
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
