im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
