"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I love you.
Bad choice
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
