i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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