i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
