I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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