Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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