If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
