I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm drive I can fine osifer
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
