He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
