I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
