You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
