Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
