last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
