Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
