Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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