i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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