Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
